the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
