Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
