i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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