the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
