Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Randomize
