On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
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