just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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