My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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