based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
