i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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