Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
