Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I want you more than these girls want KFC
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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