someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Randomize