I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
