I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
