i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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