chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
