Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
