I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
