We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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