Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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