Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I sprained my soul last night
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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