I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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