we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
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A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
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If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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