marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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