sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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