You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
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