Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
