I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I need to stop coming to work sober
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
