She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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