Porn is love you can see.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Someone shattered a urinal.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
