I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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