He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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