I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
