Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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