Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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