Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
