He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
