Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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