What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
