ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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