you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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