it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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