just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
