There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
