i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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