Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
