I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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