Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Randomize
