Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
