Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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