he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
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So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
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Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
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