So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals