You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
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There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
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Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?