what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
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Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
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I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.