Texts From Last Night

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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.

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  (608): I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay. http://tfl.nu/ttff
  Replies (4) Good night (838) Bad night (2296)
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.

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  (302): I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI. http://tfl.nu/3vpl
  Replies (42) Good night (961) Bad night (7331)
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  (916): View more from California

  Michael Bay diarrhea

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  (916): Michael Bay diarrhea http://tfl.nu/1hpz
  Replies (25) Good night (692) Bad night (3935)
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  (619): View more from California

  its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.

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  (619): its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite. http://tfl.nu/gcjl
  Replies (7) Good night (3266) Bad night (645)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!

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  (832): apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?! http://tfl.nu/kaoo
  Replies (21) Good night (5595) Bad night (1279)
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.

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  (309): so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday. http://tfl.nu/j6eg
  Replies (8) Good night (5418) Bad night (856)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it

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  (603): my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it http://tfl.nu/xy2b
  Replies (3) Good night (2916) Bad night (1105)
• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"

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  (903): I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk" http://tfl.nu/2chc
  Replies (5) Good night (831) Bad night (2264)
• Favorite

  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.

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  (580): You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose. http://tfl.nu/41p8
  Replies (37) Good night (9326) Bad night (1493)
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy

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  (651): I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy http://tfl.nu/d161
  Replies (18) Good night (2288) Bad night (910)
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...

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  (904): I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast... http://tfl.nu/hk8s
  Replies (7) Good night (1578) Bad night (1581)
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.

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  (604): Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl. http://tfl.nu/vf15
  Replies (5) Good night (638) Bad night (1150)
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him

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  (317): He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him http://tfl.nu/vd38
  Replies (11) Good night (1963) Bad night (709)
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!

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  (702): i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield! http://tfl.nu/o1fu
  Replies (1) Good night (541) Bad night (918)
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  Post-sex nachos deserve a song.

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  (817): Post-sex nachos deserve a song. http://tfl.nu/enl8
  Replies (8) Good night (1310) Bad night (447)

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