she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading