you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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