Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
