Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I would ride that face into the sunset
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
