my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
