I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
She tied me up with her honor cords...
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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