yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
