I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
