You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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